When they were babies, and they would cry, I would go though the questions. Is she hungry? Does she need a diaper change? Is she too hot? Do I hold her or let her cry it out? Am I holding her too much? Am I not holding her enough?
Then as a toddler… of course she should not eat the dog food, but is she hungry? Did I not feed her enough? Is she getting enough vitamins? Why is she not napping? Is it too early for potty training? Should I play more, or let her learn to play by herself?
Now, I’ve got teens! Is she in a bad mood because she’s having problems at school? Is she not getting enough sleep? Should she really be going to school with this cough?
The “Mom Doubts”, why do I do that? Why do I look back on my day and question my decisions? Why do I allow the lies I tell myself to make me think I’m not doing a good job? Why do I think I have to do it all perfectly?
I’ve had those nights when I’ve crawled into bed and thought about how I overreacted, and what could have been a teachable moment.
I’ve had those moments when I’ve crawled into bed and thought to myself, “I’m ‘killing’ this mom thing.”
I wish I could give myself a break from all the questions, all the worry…oh wait, I can!
Lord, help me to remember that you’ve got her in your hands, regardless of my “mom decisions”. Help me to know you will be with her in science class today as she takes her test. Remind me that I’m not always going to be there anyway and that you’ve “got this”. Help to me stop doubting and just trust You.