Learning to Argue

20140323_145519[1]

(Ironically, this pic was just snuggling, but I thought it looked like they were choking each other. 😉 )

As I sit here in our sunroom, I’m in awe of how the girls can go from one minute of practically RIPPING each others heads off to, giggly, happy girls the next.  Their fights have never gone to the crazy extreme of ACTUALLY ripping heads off or even choking each other, but when they do fight it absolutely drives me insane!  Why is that?  Why can’t I get a grip?  I HAVE to get involved in their fights!  I HAVE to stop them from arguing!  I can not listen to the disagreement.

When P and I get into a disagreement, T, my oldest, instantly changes the subject.  She asks a random question, that most of the time requires an answer.  She is just like me.  She doesn’t like to hear us argue.  Now, don’t get me wrong here, we HARDLY ARGUE.  I’m not joking.  We HARDLY do.  When we do argue, it’s because one of us is either stressed out and taking it out on the other one, or feelings got hurt.  It’s the same with the girls.

I noticed, when they were VERY little, that when they started picking at each other they were one of three things;  tired, hungry, or bored.  When they would start picking, I would redirect them, change the activity, feed them, or put them to bed.  Now that they are a bit older, they are developing their own personalities, and their own interests, and UGH, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS…GETTING HORMONAL.

P, told me that I have to let them work it out.  The problem is, FROM DAY ONE, I’ve stopped the arguments!  I’ve gotten involved.

I have to DISAGREE (no pun intended) with my husband, TO A POINT.    I believe there is a PROPER WAY TO ARGUE, AND I believe that kids need to be taught HOW to argue, but more importantly HOW TO FORGIVE.

  1. NO HITTING…Obviously, there should never be anything physical.  When they were little, they were taught they were not allowed to hit or push each other.
  2. NEVER NAME CALL.  Name calling is pointless, unless what you are really trying to do is offend the person and make the fight last longer.
  3. TALK, DON’T WALK.  There comes a time, when two people may NEVER agree on a subject.  You’ve “beaten it into the ground”, and you can just AGREE to let it drop, but, there is a time to plant your feet and TALK.  Really talk.  Say how you are feeling.  Talk about how it hurt.
  4. FORGIVENESS IS MANDATORY.  If you were the one in the wrong, you need to apologize for the offense, BUT, sometimes it’s not that simple.  SOMETIMES, you may be RIGHT!  Sometimes, you may not have done ANYTHING, and the person was just upset.  That’s when YOU, yes, YOU, still have to ask for forgiveness, FOR THE SAKE OF THE RELATIONSHIP!  What is more important?  The person standing in front of you, or winning!

So, do I agree with my husband, if I should let them work it out on their own?  Yes, to an extent.  I let them try to deal with it on their own, but there are times when I just have to remind them of who they are arguing with, and ask if their argument is worth battling over.

The point is FIX the relationship, because no relationship is worth giving up over a disagreement.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s