T, turned 10 last May, and this was a letter I wrote to her. I took her out to go shopping, on a “mommy/daughter date”, and gave her this letter. I found one on pinterest and loved the idea.
1. It is not your job to keep the people you love happy. Not me, not Daddy, not your sister, not your friends. I promise, it’s not. The hard truth is that you can’t anyway. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you!
2. You should never be afraid to share your passions. You worry that your friends will make fun of you if you wear a certain thing, or do a certain thing. Anyone who teases you for what you love to do is not a true friend. This is hard to realize, but essential.
3. It is okay to disagree with me, and others. You are old enough to have a point of view, and I want to hear it! So do those who love you. Don’t pick fights for the sake of it, of course, but when you really feel I’m wrong, please say so. You have heard me say that you are right, and you’ve heard me apologize for my behavior or point of view when I realized they were wrong. Your perspective is both valid and valuable. Don’t shy away from expressing it.
4. You are so very beautiful. Your face now holds the baby you were and the young woman you are rapidly becoming. My eyes and nose and your father’s coloring combine into someone unique, someone purely you. Your beauty is not only outward, but inward. You have such a kind, loving heart. You notice things about people. You have eyes that “see” people in a way most don’t. USE IT! The Lord has given you this gift of “sight” for a reason. Don’t stop seeing the good in people! Don’t stop seeing the hurt in people…you can help them!
5. You are so smart. School comes easy for you. It didn’t for me. I’m thrilled that you have such ease with it. I hope it continues as you get older. Keep up the good work, stay organized, stay focused.
6. You are not me. We are very alike, but you are your own person, entirely, completely, and fully. I know this, I promise, even when I lose sight of it. I know that one of these days you won’t need me as much anymore. Just know I’m going to be here, no matter what.
7. It is almost always never about you. What I mean is that when people act in a way that hurts or makes you feel insecure, it is almost certainly about something happening inside of them, and not about you. I struggle with this one myself, and I have tried very, very hard never once to tell you you are being “too sensitive” or to “get over it” when you feel hurt. Believe me, I know how feelings can slice your heart, even if your head knows otherwise. Jealousy is a real thing and happens more often than it should between women. If they are jealous, it means that YOU have something inside of you, that they WANT! It means YOU’RE AWESOME, AND THEY KNOW IT, AND THEY WANT IT! Never forget my words…”We will not allow anyone to decide for us, how we feel about ourselves.”
8. Boys will be boys! HAVE HIGH STANDARDS, and never apologize for having high standards! People who want to be in your life, will rise up to meet them! The Lord has the perfect man for you. He has him already picked out! Pray for him NOW, before you meet him! I prayed for your Daddy before I met him! No boy should be more important than the Lord. No boy should ask you to do things you know goes against what the Lord wants for you. You may find yourself one day questioning why Dad and I say NO to you dating a certain boy! We have seen many friends and family make the wrong choices and struggle through life. We are only doing it for you! The Lord and your Dad and I only want you to have the perfect life!
9. Your sister is always the first female friend, you will have. No one will be able to understand your craziness like your sister, and there will be a time when you may not be able to see each other as much as you like, but she will always be there and remain a friend for life. She will be there when you need her the most. Aunt K and I have always been close. I hope that you girls will remain close and share everything as you do now! I hope you have the relationship that Aunt K and I do. When you fight, remember, “YOU ARE FAMILY”. You don’t give up on family! Even if you KNOW the other one is wrong, apologize! Fix it! Humble yourself for the sake of your sister if you have to! You need her!
10. I am trying my best. I know I’m not good enough and not the mother you deserve. Almost every day I ask myself, “Do I want her to be like me?”…NO! I want you to be better than me! I want you be like Jesus!
…And one to go on! I love you and your sister more than I could ever express. Everyday, as you know, I pray for you to have “Strength and Energy and Wisdom and Courage to deal with each situation.” Pray for those for yourself. Always tell the truth, Use kind words, Keep your promises, Laugh and Giggle, Be Positive, Love one Another, Always be grateful, Forgiveness is MANDATORY, Try new things, Say Please and Thank you, Say your Prayers, and SMILE! I love your smile!